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Go to bed with Hollywood royalty on a nightly basis by snuggling up with this Nicolas Cage rainbow pillow. Nick’s steely blue eyes will lull you into a deep and peaceful sleep that will relax your mind, body, and soul and leave you feeling rejuvenated upon waking.

Let the d-bag in your life know what a total a-hole they are by awarding them this world champion dick trophy. This girthy triumphant bastard comes with a patriotic red, white, and blue ribbon around it and sits on a stand decorated with a “world champion” plaque.

Make your dull workplace a little more lively for all with these “for rectal use only” stickers. Each roll comes with 500 blue rectangular stickers with the words “for rectal use only” printed on each one – making them great for clinic and hospital settings.

Stimulate the senses while finding inner peace with Pet This Fucking Puppy. Designed like a children’s book for adults, this playful read will help melt away stress and ease your nerves with a variety of tactile, visual, and even olfactory stimulation.

Spend some quality time with the Tiger King himself by adding this Joe Exotic action figure to your collection. This must-have one-of-a-kind action figure is handmade from polymer clay and makes the perfect gift for any fan of the wildly popular Netflix series.

Step into the concrete jungle with confidence when you walk around wearing these eye-catching T-Rex dinosaur heels. These heels sport a one of a kind design that transforms your feet into two ferocious looking prehistoric apex predators.

The Baby Shield is your ticket to staying high and dry while you’re changing Jr’s dirty diaper. The transparent shield comes fitted with a couple of heavy-duty gloves that are thick enough to stand up to whatever your stinky baby throws – or sprays – your way.

Kill your friend – with kindness and laughter – with this “I will murder you” birthday card. This hilarious and clever card is printed on a premium heavy cardstock and comes blank on the inside so that you can write your own thoughtful message.

Help little Timmy understand the concept of doing hard time by reading him “The Night Dad Went To Jail”. This informative children’s book will teach kids the life changes they can expect after daddy gets sent off to federal pound me in the ass prison.

This rapping paper is almost to amazing tear apart. The creative and hilarious design depicts several rappers like Snoop Dogg and Kanye alongside things commonly associated with hip hop like Hennessey, cannabis, and of course cash.

Say hello to our little friend – and his little friend – with the Scarface lawn gnome. This aggressive little fellow stands vigilant and ready to go postal on the first neighbor or neighborhood pet who accidentally stumbles onto your perfectly manicured lawn.

Nothing says “happy birthday” like an accusing dose of anti-foreigner skepticism! Help make your loved one’s special day that much more memorable by surprising them with this Trump birth certificate birthday card. They’re guaranteed to thank you in a bigly way!